The steps to healing your Mother Wound…
Acknowledgement Becoming aware of what you missed out on and what you long to have. Please don’t feel shame for this longing. It is innate and we are biologically designed to bond with our early care givers (and other people later on). Many books such as The children of emotionally immature parents, Running on empty, Will I ever be good enough can all be helpful in understanding your situation and experience.
Shame and guilt All babies are born innocent on this planet. If your mother was / is incapable of offering the emotional connection you are longing for, it is not because you did anything or that you lack something. It may sound obvious but sometimes it is good to hear things being said out loud.
Reparenting yourself Offering yourself the same nurturing and loving attention you deserved to receive from your mother. This self-connection can take the forms of journaling, different types of meditations, self-compassion, setting boundaries, assessing and soothing your emotions, sleep, following the natural way of living according to nature and the sun because it soothes your nervous system.
Reprocessing the old wounds Why should we go back in time? Your body remembers every (unprocessed) experience you have ever had. Even if you try to reparent yourself and practice every possible therapeutic option, unless it is reprocessed, your trauma lives in your body. Your trauma will get activated in the present time and you may feel like you were the child responding to an adult situation.
Two excellent forms of therapy that address the attachment trauma specifically are attachment focused EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) and AEDP (Accelerated experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy). They allow repair and create new neural pathways which result in the trauma being released and reprocessed.
Good enough relationships An antidote for attachment trauma is having good enough other relationships. The more you surround yourself with loving people, it enables you to create new neural connections and feel more connected & loved.Being in a good enough loving relationship can be particularly healing.
How long will it take to heal?
I often get this asked and the answer is “it depends”…
It depends on… How much effort you put into your healing and reparenting, the relationships you surround yourself with, how comfortable you become with difficult emotions during the processing.
The work is not easy but if you take the challenge you will be rewarded.
I hope you found this useful. If you would like to have support in understanding your Mother Wound, please check out my services page.