Today you like so many of us on this planet may be affected in some ways by the news of the passing of Queen Elizabeth II. News like this often brings up difficult feelings related to perhaps other losses in life and, of course, for people living in the UK, the Queen has represented stability over time when everything else has changed and a mother figure to the country. 

I wanted to write this because you are there trying to figure out your feelings that may feel very difficult. Your feelings are natural and an important part of you. They will tell you something that you need to pay attention to. I hope this helps to make sense a little bit about what may be happening for you right now. 

Today, you may experience both sadness and grief and fear over what is to come as so many changes are happening at the same time. Your mother wound and the related complex feelings may be present. Perhaps you woke up to notice the distance in your relationship even more…

Mother wound and loss

If you have experienced the mother wound and you never felt seen and heard by your mother, feelings about the loss of connection may come up.  If you have also lost your mother, very complex feelings from anger to shame, may come up. 

When we lose someone often the related feelings are linked to the quality of the relationship with that person. Losing someone whom you have had a good relationship with brings up natural feelings of grief and loss. This is not to say that it is not hard but perhaps it is easier to understand your feelings and make sense of them.

When the relationship with the person has been complex and full of drama and loss, you may be reminded by the feelings of not getting your needs met. This may hit you right in the heart of you and trigger the pain of not feeling enough or worthy of the loving attention you wished you would have received. 

There can be feelings of anger and rage for the person leaving and there not having an opportunity to repair the relationship. A sense of finality finally hits and this is difficult to come to terms with. Whatever your feelings today, they are your feelings and make space for them. 

Please keep in mind that you are worthy of being loved just because you were born. Now as an adult, the more grown up part of you can bring soothing and healing to the younger parts of you. 

Here is a previous post I wrote about healing your mother wound. 

Relationships and loss

Perhaps the day of mourning has brought up for you the distance in your relationship with your partner. Adversity and sad news are the times when we most need to connect with others (that is how we were designed). When your relationship feels distant and perhaps you feel alone in the grief, the pain is heart-breaking. Here are some previous posts about repairing your relationship.

If you are single, you may particularly feel being single difficult at this moment. When we are faced with sad news, what helps us to cope with it often is support from those closest to us. You may feel the empty space next to you more than at other times.

The Queen had her life partner, Prince Philip, by her side until last year. As a couple, they dealt with many things in life. We don’t know much about that relationship but they showed a united front on the outside. The marriage was a life long project. 

What matters in life, whether one is dealing with sadness or has more joyful situations, is the quality of a romantic relationship. In a healthy, loving relationship, you will feel supported and heard and a compatible couple creates more moments of joy.  

Investing into our relationships with others brings the biggest payback, more than anything else on this planet. Perhaps this is a call for you find support to 

In summary, make space for all of your feelings, connect with those who are closest to you, connect with nature and remind yourself that the sky has been there longer than any human being and seen how the sun has continued to rise and set regardless of everything else. 

If you would like to have further support, you can check out my services page. 

Warm regards

Dr Mari